The Finish Line

Posted on May 16, 2014 Updated on May 16, 2014

I briefly participated in track as a teenager. I am pretty sure that it was only because they were in need of more participants, not because they were in need of my budding track skills. Fast is an adjective that has never been used to describe me. I participated in the 800 meters.  I remember a coach speaking about the strong finish, that last burst of energy used to sprint across the finish line. He told us at the end to give it all we had and demonstrated the perfect sprinting form.

Nate started nursing school in January of 2012. The first semester he just went part time because we knew I was going to be given radioactive iodine to treat my thyroid cancer but did not know when. As it turned out I received that treatment two weeks into his first semester and he had to move out of our house for five days with our 8 week old daughter and 2 ½ year old son. Since the Fall semester of 2012 he has been attending full time. Most of the first year that he was in school I was hypothyroid and exhausted all the time. In his second to last semester I found out my cancer may be coming back and two weeks later he had emergency surgery to remove his gallbladder and appendix. I had a radioactive iodine scan to see if the cancer was coming back that made me a smidge radioactive and this time I moved out of the house. I was told I had to stay away from our children for two days. That scan was negative and we hoped I was in the clear. My lab work continued to change so I had a PET scan over his Christmas break in January of this year, that showed a spot likely to be cancer in my neck. I had my second surgery to remove metastatic thyroid cancer March 4th, in this Nate’s final semester. We then had to make a trip to Houston, TX because this cancer does not respond to the primary treatment for it. Most of you know how that went.

Our routine has been that as soon as I get home from work we would eat and then Nate left to study. On weekends I had the kids by myself most of the weekend while Nate studied. Back when I was recovering from being hypothyroid for radiation I had to greatly depend on my parents and brothers to help me with the kids while Nate worked and went to school.

Nate graduates today and I can hardly believe that we made it. I had to at times push him, well really shove him through and I know he had friends that were vital in him completing this very tough program. But at the end he sprinted to the finish in perfect form with his best grades to date in this last semester.  A couple times this past week I had a full-on melt down. I just completely lost it. On Sunday I could not even function until mid-afternoon. The night before his final the kids were in bed, but they would not stop screaming and calling out to me. I tapped out. I told Nate, who was studying in the room next to theirs, “I am going to the back and I do not have the monitor on, I can not take it any more just so you know.”

I started thinking about the strong finish and it occurred to me that I am not a strong finisher.  I am great out of the gate, I am an excellent cheerleader for my team and I will consistently tell myself I can do it, but the finish is not likely to be pretty. I started imagining finishing an endurance race as my support team watches with apprehension and is holding one of those flimsy looking aluminum blankets that does not seem as if it could warm up a sheep. The announcers would likely be heard saying something like, “She was strong at the beginning and really held her own in the hills, but wow she is just collapsing here at the end. Unfortunately this will just add to her growing reputation of being a poor finisher.”

In my 20’s if I knew this about myself I would have been ashamed of it and not admitted it to anyone. In my 30’s I would have been in quiet acceptance. But my favorite thing about my 40’s is that I can now shout my weaknesses from the rooftops and not be ashamed, “My name is Janna Jones and I am poor finisher, but I will finish.”

He did it and we did it as a family. We set this goal for Nate and for our family so that we could better our future. My husband is going to be an amazing emergency nurse and I am so proud of him. I cannot believe it is over. I am so immensely proud of him and us. WE DID IT!!